Laina left on Saturday night. The days before she left we kept busy - Great Wolf, Great Adventure, etc. Whenever she would get sad, I would tell her, "No crying today. Today we are going to just be happy."
We packed her things Friday night and she wanted to take everything, of course. She was only allowed to take 2-3 toys, so she took her "babies." We told her that this was her room and all her toys would be here when she returned at Christmas time. I slept in her bed that night, and she woke up several times saying in Russian, "Oh, tomorrow I'm flying home," or just sadly saying, "Tomorrow." Saturday we just all cuddled together until we had to leave.
It was difficult at the airport, but strangely we all avoided the obvious sadness that lingered in the air. She was excited, but at the same time sad. We were busing helping get tickets and watching other children, that we didn't have time to be sad. When it time to go, she did not cry. We said our "I love you's" and we waved goodbye through security. We waved to each other as she walked down the corridor until she was gone.
The next day was surreal. I felt like the last 5 1/2 weeks were a dream. Was it real? Did it all happen? She felt so far away. Later that day, we realized that something was different with the pond. There was no more bright oranges and whites, no more color. All the koi in the pond have vanished.
Our first picture of Lainey
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Lainey's First English Sentence
Although she has spoken in complete sentences, they were sentences like, "I love you," (or "I love you two!") or "I'm hungry." But on Thursday she said her first real sentence in English. She had made toast and left it out on a small table in the living room. This is a big mistake in my house. When she came back from where ever she was, she turned to me and showed me the empty dish. I said "Peppy." Yes, little Pepper (the Pomeranian) is a master thief and has been caught stealing things that are far to big for his little eyes. She looked at me, very surprised and said, "You saw Peppy take it?!", with a strong accent on the "saw." I almost fell off my seat. I was so excited! It was so great to hear her say something without being prompted and to actually hear her surprise in her voice! I can't wait to actually have a true conversation in English with her.
Week 5
We went to the farewell party and after her friend Irina left, she told me she was sad. Then she began to tear up, so I took her to our car and I cradled her. She told me she was sad about going back to Russia. She wouldn't go back to the party and I told her I just had to get Poppy (that's what she calls Craig now) and Jeremy and then we'll go home. She reluctantly headed up the road towards the house, but as we got close, she let go of my hand and ran towards the car. I heard her crying as she ran.
I caught Craig's attention and told him we had to leave, and I got in the car and sat next to her. She was sobbing. The kind of sob where you just don't care that you are drooling or that your nose is running. The kind of sob that ice cream cannot cure, nor a new toy. She just sobbed and sobbed, and she continued for the next 45 minutes. It tore me apart, to see and hear her, and to not be able to do anything to make her feel better. On our way home, we passed the carnival, and I asked her if she wanted to go. In between her cries, she said, "Yes." I was relieved to find that maybe this will make her forget, and maybe she could just be a kid again.
She went one of the big rides and when she came off, she starting crying. When she stopped, she went on the next ride, but then wanted to get off because she was crying too hard. We held her and comforted her, and told her that we would write her, call her, and that she would be here at Christmas time. But you could tell that she didn't quite believe us, as she is probably use to broken promises. When she calmed down again, she and Jeremy went on some orbit ride and then Mama lost it. How are we going to say good-bye? What if the adoption doesn't work out, and we never see her again? Why does Christmas have to be so far away? I realize that it is all out of my control and I have to focus on the things I can do, like the adoption paperwork, and making travel plans. I have to remember to "Let Go and Let God," and believe...
I caught Craig's attention and told him we had to leave, and I got in the car and sat next to her. She was sobbing. The kind of sob where you just don't care that you are drooling or that your nose is running. The kind of sob that ice cream cannot cure, nor a new toy. She just sobbed and sobbed, and she continued for the next 45 minutes. It tore me apart, to see and hear her, and to not be able to do anything to make her feel better. On our way home, we passed the carnival, and I asked her if she wanted to go. In between her cries, she said, "Yes." I was relieved to find that maybe this will make her forget, and maybe she could just be a kid again.
She went one of the big rides and when she came off, she starting crying. When she stopped, she went on the next ride, but then wanted to get off because she was crying too hard. We held her and comforted her, and told her that we would write her, call her, and that she would be here at Christmas time. But you could tell that she didn't quite believe us, as she is probably use to broken promises. When she calmed down again, she and Jeremy went on some orbit ride and then Mama lost it. How are we going to say good-bye? What if the adoption doesn't work out, and we never see her again? Why does Christmas have to be so far away? I realize that it is all out of my control and I have to focus on the things I can do, like the adoption paperwork, and making travel plans. I have to remember to "Let Go and Let God," and believe...
Week 4
This week was just a normal week. Finally! We just hung out, went to the lake, the pool, feed our koi, feed the birds, walked the dogs, and stayed home and did nothing. It was relaxing and enjoyable to finally just be. Laina and Jeremy played together well at times (they like to play Tom and Jerry) and sometimes Laina wanted to play by herself and would spend some time playing "pretend." It is amazing how quickly she has become part of our family and so integrated into our everyday lives. I just expect her to be there.
We went to the local carnival and when we pulled in Laina's eyes grew big and she squealed with delight. She then turned and gave me a big kiss and hug. She is tall enough (56") to go on all the crazy, big rides. We stuck with the little kid rides since Jeremy and Remy (Sandy's son) were to small. But, she soon got bored and begged to go on the bigger rides. I told her that I could not go on with her because I get sick. She said it was okay for her to go on alone. And she did, that brave soul. Before the ride started, she looked alittle scared and I wish I was able to handle those types of rides so that I could comfort her. But as soon as the ride started, so did her smile!
I received a call that her "house" director was flying into Newark and then changing planes to fly to Atlanta. It was suggested that I go and meet her to help her find her next flight, and also to make an impression. She does have a say as to whether or not we could adopt Laina. Well, I am not sure what type of impression I made, and I hope it was good, but I just couldn't tell. She spoke very little English, but seemed very nice. She spoke a lot to Laina, and I heard a lot of "Mama" and "Papa," but not sure what she was telling her! Yikes! It was stressful.
Laina needed a haircut and I thought she would enjoy going to the beauty parlor (who doesn't!). When we told her she was going to get her haircut, she exclaimed, "NO!" I was shocked. I looked up hairdresser again in my book and made sure it was the right word. Again, she said, "No!" and motioned that they were going to buzz her hair short. I explained to her that they were only going to take off a little bit, and she said she would only go if Jeremy went. So he did and she did, and Craig said that as soon as she realized that they were not going to cut off all her hair, she really got into it and relished in the attention. This does explain her reaction of one time when she had to go to the bathroom and there was a barber shop close by. When I opened the door, there were several men getting their hair buzzed. She panicked and said, "NO!" I thought it was because of all the men, but the poor thing probably thought she was going to have her hair buzzed!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Week 3
What a stressful week! We had the chaperon from Russia stay with us for about 6 days. Laina was not liking that. She was very nice and spoke English well, so we were able to find out a lot about Russia and a little about Laina. But, having a stranger in our home and feeling like we were being evaluated, was difficult. And of course, Jeremy was at his worst, going through his own emotional stuff.
We went into NYC and checked out the sites. We also met another host parent and host child (Ashleigh and Irina) and went to the Museum of Natural History. It was hot, but we had a great time.
Laina told the chaperon, Victoria, that she has been to America before, when she was 7 1/2 years old. She also told her she has no siblings and has been in the orphanage (or "house" as they call it) since she was 4 years old. She was there because she had to be hospitalized because her grandmother "hurt" her. She said her mother works as a head cashier in St. Petersburg and comes to see her often at the orphanage. Victoria said she doesn't entirely believe her because she would not have been place in the house if her mother was not the one neglecting or abusing her. Many children create fantasy parents or glorify their parents. I did believe that she was physically abused because one time I had raised my arm up quickly and she flinched. I knew then that she must have been abused. Also, I was able to get my hands on her passport and it confirmed that she had been her the winter of 2007 and went to Texas. It was through another hosting organization. Her picture is adorable. She has pigtails and looks a little sad in the picture, but so cute.
We celebrated her birthday and had a small party for her. Many people from my work were so wonderful and bought her gifts. She didn't quite understand what was happening, especially since they don't celebrate birthdays really. They celebrate "name" days. But she knew the "Happy Birthday" song! She had a lot of fun opening her gifts and of course, singing and dancing for all of us.
Sometimes she gets mad at me, and I have no idea why. This is when the difficulty in communication comes in. It may be because she wanted to sit by me, but someone else did. Or that she wanted to do something, but I couldn't understand what. She gets alittle pouty and folds her arms, but soon gets over it (you can see in some of the pictures at the zoo, she's alittle pouty.)
I spoke with Ashleigh about Irina's English (which is very good). She said she just talks in English to her all day and describes what she is doing. So, I decided to do the same thing, and boy has Laina's English improved. She usually understands what I am saying. I told her to clean her room, and she knew immediately what I was saying. She quickly said, "No." But later, she took my hand and showed me her room, and it was all cleaned up.
She nows calls me Mommy.
We went into NYC and checked out the sites. We also met another host parent and host child (Ashleigh and Irina) and went to the Museum of Natural History. It was hot, but we had a great time.
Laina told the chaperon, Victoria, that she has been to America before, when she was 7 1/2 years old. She also told her she has no siblings and has been in the orphanage (or "house" as they call it) since she was 4 years old. She was there because she had to be hospitalized because her grandmother "hurt" her. She said her mother works as a head cashier in St. Petersburg and comes to see her often at the orphanage. Victoria said she doesn't entirely believe her because she would not have been place in the house if her mother was not the one neglecting or abusing her. Many children create fantasy parents or glorify their parents. I did believe that she was physically abused because one time I had raised my arm up quickly and she flinched. I knew then that she must have been abused. Also, I was able to get my hands on her passport and it confirmed that she had been her the winter of 2007 and went to Texas. It was through another hosting organization. Her picture is adorable. She has pigtails and looks a little sad in the picture, but so cute.
We celebrated her birthday and had a small party for her. Many people from my work were so wonderful and bought her gifts. She didn't quite understand what was happening, especially since they don't celebrate birthdays really. They celebrate "name" days. But she knew the "Happy Birthday" song! She had a lot of fun opening her gifts and of course, singing and dancing for all of us.
Sometimes she gets mad at me, and I have no idea why. This is when the difficulty in communication comes in. It may be because she wanted to sit by me, but someone else did. Or that she wanted to do something, but I couldn't understand what. She gets alittle pouty and folds her arms, but soon gets over it (you can see in some of the pictures at the zoo, she's alittle pouty.)
I spoke with Ashleigh about Irina's English (which is very good). She said she just talks in English to her all day and describes what she is doing. So, I decided to do the same thing, and boy has Laina's English improved. She usually understands what I am saying. I told her to clean her room, and she knew immediately what I was saying. She quickly said, "No." But later, she took my hand and showed me her room, and it was all cleaned up.
She nows calls me Mommy.
Week 2
I know it's been a while since I posted. We have been going and going and going. And of course, then I got sick and lost my voice for about a week, and felt miserable. Probably from exhaustion and stress.
Laina has remained true to herself, and her personality has not changed. She is outgoing, loving, sweet and loves to be the center of attention. She likes to sing and pretend she is Hannah Montana. She is very funny and puts on quite a show! She was singing some Russian songs, but we realized (and it took us awhile), that she was singing some American songs also, although they had quite a Russian twist. She loves to sing, "I feel good." But she has made up her own words and I laugh so hard every time she sings it. She also does this thing where she stands still, but shakes her butt. Anytime I am sad, she does this now because it makes me smile.
Jeremy has had a much harder time these past two weeks, and has been acting out to demonstrate this. But, this is expected now that another child has come into our lives. He is jealous and wants extra attention so that he knows we still love him. He has been quite difficult at times and Laina shakes her head and says, "Ahh, Jeremy."
Laina and I had an emotional breakdown of sorts. I showed her the calendar and showed her what day it was, and then showed her the day she was flying back to Russia. When she understood, she hugged me and said, "No!" I turned from her and made believe I was cooking, but I began to cry. How do we say, "Goodbye?" We aren't allowed to tell them anything regarding adoption. In her mind, this is goodbye forever. For someone who has suffered so much loss, isn't this just another? It is so unnerving to not be able to explain to her what is going on. She realized I was crying and hugged me. The next day she came into the living room, sat down next to me, and said, "I fly home to Russia. You no cry. You no love me. No. I fly home to Russia." I told her that I do love her. She got angry with me and said, "No! No love me! You no love me!" Again, I said that I will always love her. She stormed out of the room, and slammed her bedroom door. I gave her a couple of minutes, went it and she covered her face with a pillow. I said to her in Russian, "Laina, I will love you forever." She began to sob, that gut wrenching, deep soulful hurting cry. I held her and let her cry for about 15 minutes and then she said, "I love you, too, Mamitchska."
Laina has remained true to herself, and her personality has not changed. She is outgoing, loving, sweet and loves to be the center of attention. She likes to sing and pretend she is Hannah Montana. She is very funny and puts on quite a show! She was singing some Russian songs, but we realized (and it took us awhile), that she was singing some American songs also, although they had quite a Russian twist. She loves to sing, "I feel good." But she has made up her own words and I laugh so hard every time she sings it. She also does this thing where she stands still, but shakes her butt. Anytime I am sad, she does this now because it makes me smile.
Jeremy has had a much harder time these past two weeks, and has been acting out to demonstrate this. But, this is expected now that another child has come into our lives. He is jealous and wants extra attention so that he knows we still love him. He has been quite difficult at times and Laina shakes her head and says, "Ahh, Jeremy."
Laina and I had an emotional breakdown of sorts. I showed her the calendar and showed her what day it was, and then showed her the day she was flying back to Russia. When she understood, she hugged me and said, "No!" I turned from her and made believe I was cooking, but I began to cry. How do we say, "Goodbye?" We aren't allowed to tell them anything regarding adoption. In her mind, this is goodbye forever. For someone who has suffered so much loss, isn't this just another? It is so unnerving to not be able to explain to her what is going on. She realized I was crying and hugged me. The next day she came into the living room, sat down next to me, and said, "I fly home to Russia. You no cry. You no love me. No. I fly home to Russia." I told her that I do love her. She got angry with me and said, "No! No love me! You no love me!" Again, I said that I will always love her. She stormed out of the room, and slammed her bedroom door. I gave her a couple of minutes, went it and she covered her face with a pillow. I said to her in Russian, "Laina, I will love you forever." She began to sob, that gut wrenching, deep soulful hurting cry. I held her and let her cry for about 15 minutes and then she said, "I love you, too, Mamitchska."
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Week 1
What a crazy, busy, wonderful week. We are all so exhausted. We've been running here and there and everywhere. Now, every time the kids get into the car, they groan. I can't blame them! We finally spent a couple of days at home, doing nothing. Yelena has been a joy, her presence has already changed our family, in a good way of course. Jeremy has a buddy, which has helped him a lot. They have had their battles, him going in her room and touching her stuff, hiding her dolls, etc. But it is great to see the sibling rivalry. Her personality has remained the same, very spirited, very sweet, very funny.
The other day she watched a Sponge Bob episode that we have on DVD called, "Where's Gary?" It is about Sponge Bob ignoring his pet snail Gary because he is playing video games. Gary runs away and Sponge Bob searches for him, regretting that he forgot about him. We were watching it all together and I looked at Yelena and she had tears running down her face. She didn't want anyone to see. The next day she watched it again twice and tears again rolled down her face. I told her not to watch it because it made her sad, but she insisted. It is times like this that it is so frustrating that we don't speak the same language, but I just hugged her and held her and hoped that was enough.
We also find that Yelena makes friends very easily. She best-friended my nieces in a matter of 10 minutes. We also found that she can count to 11 in English and say the English alphabet. Her vocabulary is growing more and more each day, as is my Russian. Craig says that she and I have some type of inner connection because she'll speak to me and him, I totally get what she is saying and he is like, "How did you get that from that?!"
We also find that sharing food is a sign of affection and love for her. Especially the good stuff, like ice cream and donuts. I am going to get so fat!!! But I can't say no, because it comes from her heart.
Our first week is over and I wish I could stop time.
The other day she watched a Sponge Bob episode that we have on DVD called, "Where's Gary?" It is about Sponge Bob ignoring his pet snail Gary because he is playing video games. Gary runs away and Sponge Bob searches for him, regretting that he forgot about him. We were watching it all together and I looked at Yelena and she had tears running down her face. She didn't want anyone to see. The next day she watched it again twice and tears again rolled down her face. I told her not to watch it because it made her sad, but she insisted. It is times like this that it is so frustrating that we don't speak the same language, but I just hugged her and held her and hoped that was enough.
We also find that Yelena makes friends very easily. She best-friended my nieces in a matter of 10 minutes. We also found that she can count to 11 in English and say the English alphabet. Her vocabulary is growing more and more each day, as is my Russian. Craig says that she and I have some type of inner connection because she'll speak to me and him, I totally get what she is saying and he is like, "How did you get that from that?!"
We also find that sharing food is a sign of affection and love for her. Especially the good stuff, like ice cream and donuts. I am going to get so fat!!! But I can't say no, because it comes from her heart.
We took her to the eye doctor and the drops he put into her eyes burned. She was so mad a me (see pictures). The doctor said she does need glasses and thanks to the Gift of Sight program, they cost us $10! I told Yelena that I was sorry (I had no idea the eye drops burned) and that I loved her. Her face lit up, she smiled and took my hand, told me she love me too, and then kissed me.
Our first week is over and I wish I could stop time.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Day Two and Three
Yelena is a girl filled with spirit. She knows what she likes and doesn't like. She also has a sense of humor. She has no trouble eating and enjoys cereal and waffles. She made a necklace and a ring for me and then did my hair and makeup. We then went shopping at Wal-Mart and she really enjoyed buying clothes, shoes, hair stuff, etc. We had so much fun! We found out she loves Sponge Bob and sings the song whenever she sees him. She also loves Hannah Montana, and Barbie was a hit also.
My dear friend Sandy (a.k.a. Miss Sandy) came over with her daughter, Kaitlin (age 15). Lainey was shy at first and in about 10 minutes, that was over. She went outside with Kaitlin and had her push her on the swings, and by the time they came back, they were best friends. Thank God for beautiful, wonderful, caring Kaitlin! She had Lainey talking English in no time! We went to a park to watch Remy's tee-ball game. After dinner and baths, I was reading them a bedtime story and she fell asleep on my shoulder (see picture).
The next day, she and Jeremy slept in and then we went to "Babushka’s" house. We went to a park there and a small zoo. She loves animals (yeah!) especially the big cats. We then swung on the swings some more - she can say "Mama, push push me please - High!" And the higher the better!
That night we went to a Chinese buffet. She was very sweet and went up and got us all dessert. When I took her to the bathroom, she was fascinated by the automatic soap dispenser and then by the paper towel dispenser. This was not automatic, but a lever you pushed down. She was inspecting it and used it several times! And she went through tons of soap! We even had to go back for a second time!
Babushka was fascinated by her and her resilience. She couldn't believe that see was not afraid to run ahead at the zoo and was so unafraid of new people and things. You would think she has been in America for awhile. She loved Babushka and asked me the next day if we were going back to see her. She is so warm and loving. We are so lucky!
My dear friend Sandy (a.k.a. Miss Sandy) came over with her daughter, Kaitlin (age 15). Lainey was shy at first and in about 10 minutes, that was over. She went outside with Kaitlin and had her push her on the swings, and by the time they came back, they were best friends. Thank God for beautiful, wonderful, caring Kaitlin! She had Lainey talking English in no time! We went to a park to watch Remy's tee-ball game. After dinner and baths, I was reading them a bedtime story and she fell asleep on my shoulder (see picture).
The next day, she and Jeremy slept in and then we went to "Babushka’s" house. We went to a park there and a small zoo. She loves animals (yeah!) especially the big cats. We then swung on the swings some more - she can say "Mama, push push me please - High!" And the higher the better!
That night we went to a Chinese buffet. She was very sweet and went up and got us all dessert. When I took her to the bathroom, she was fascinated by the automatic soap dispenser and then by the paper towel dispenser. This was not automatic, but a lever you pushed down. She was inspecting it and used it several times! And she went through tons of soap! We even had to go back for a second time!
Babushka was fascinated by her and her resilience. She couldn't believe that see was not afraid to run ahead at the zoo and was so unafraid of new people and things. You would think she has been in America for awhile. She loved Babushka and asked me the next day if we were going back to see her. She is so warm and loving. We are so lucky!
Friday, June 27, 2008
SHE'S HERE!!! 6/25/08
Today we met Yelena. We were at the airport an hour earlier and we met up with the rest of the group. They told us that they arrived 1 hour early and should be out to greet us any minute!!! When they came out we looked and looked and then saw this little girl staring at us and our sign we made with her picture on it. She did look a little different than in her picture (just like in a dream I had about her) and she stared at us, and we at her. We called her over and hugged her and she just smiled. She tried to speak some Russian, and she nodded and smiled. I was good and didn't cry. We used sign language and told her we were going in the car and she nodded. She was quiet for about 15 minutes, maybe 20 and that was about it! Craig was driving and she took her stuffed bear and placed it on his head. She then made a "pisssssss" noise, as if the bear was ....yes, peeing. We weren't sure how to take that, but we laughed and she laughed, and we figured she had a sense of humor. She played with Jeremy and talked some more. and then fell asleep.
When we got home, we woke her and introduced her to our dogs. She was scared and reluctantly petted Maggie. We showed her her room and some new toys and she immediately rearranged it and made it her own.
We ate hot dogs and burgers, which she enjoyed and then we were all exhausted! I asked her if she wanted me to sleep in her room, and she said, "Yes." I blew up the bed, and fell asleep, Lainey and Jeremy at my side!
When we got home, we woke her and introduced her to our dogs. She was scared and reluctantly petted Maggie. We showed her her room and some new toys and she immediately rearranged it and made it her own.
We ate hot dogs and burgers, which she enjoyed and then we were all exhausted! I asked her if she wanted me to sleep in her room, and she said, "Yes." I blew up the bed, and fell asleep, Lainey and Jeremy at my side!
A Gift From a Stranger - 6/24/08
Today I received a wonderful gift. This hosting program has already started great things! I posted on Freecylcle (www.freecycle.org) for a winter coat for Yelena. I explained her situation and a woman named Rosemary responded that she didn't have a coat, but she wanted to buy her a coat. I felt uncomfortable with her buying a coat and I started to reply with a "No," but then I realized that this program is all about giving and offering. It is also doesn't just have to be for my family and Yelena, but others can share in its gifts! So, I accepted her offer and met Rosemary (connection anyone?) and she bought her a beautiful lavender coat. I can't wait to show her!
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