We went to the farewell party and after her friend Irina left, she told me she was sad. Then she began to tear up, so I took her to our car and I cradled her. She told me she was sad about going back to Russia. She wouldn't go back to the party and I told her I just had to get Poppy (that's what she calls Craig now) and Jeremy and then we'll go home. She reluctantly headed up the road towards the house, but as we got close, she let go of my hand and ran towards the car. I heard her crying as she ran.
I caught Craig's attention and told him we had to leave, and I got in the car and sat next to her. She was sobbing. The kind of sob where you just don't care that you are drooling or that your nose is running. The kind of sob that ice cream cannot cure, nor a new toy. She just sobbed and sobbed, and she continued for the next 45 minutes. It tore me apart, to see and hear her, and to not be able to do anything to make her feel better. On our way home, we passed the carnival, and I asked her if she wanted to go. In between her cries, she said, "Yes." I was relieved to find that maybe this will make her forget, and maybe she could just be a kid again.
She went one of the big rides and when she came off, she starting crying. When she stopped, she went on the next ride, but then wanted to get off because she was crying too hard. We held her and comforted her, and told her that we would write her, call her, and that she would be here at Christmas time. But you could tell that she didn't quite believe us, as she is probably use to broken promises. When she calmed down again, she and Jeremy went on some orbit ride and then Mama lost it. How are we going to say good-bye? What if the adoption doesn't work out, and we never see her again? Why does Christmas have to be so far away? I realize that it is all out of my control and I have to focus on the things I can do, like the adoption paperwork, and making travel plans. I have to remember to "Let Go and Let God," and believe...
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