All the Color is Gone

Laina left on Saturday night. The days before she left we kept busy - Great Wolf, Great Adventure, etc. Whenever she would get sad, I would tell her, "No crying today. Today we are going to just be happy."

We packed her things Friday night and she wanted to take everything, of course. She was only allowed to take 2-3 toys, so she took her "babies." We told her that this was her room and all her toys would be here when she returned at Christmas time. I slept in her bed that night, and she woke up several times saying in Russian, "Oh, tomorrow I'm flying home," or just sadly saying, "Tomorrow." Saturday we just all cuddled together until we had to leave.

It was difficult at the airport, but strangely we all avoided the obvious sadness that lingered in the air. She was excited, but at the same time sad. We were busing helping get tickets and watching other children, that we didn't have time to be sad. When it time to go, she did not cry. We said our "I love you's" and we waved goodbye through security. We waved to each other as she walked down the corridor until she was gone.

The next day was surreal. I felt like the last 5 1/2 weeks were a dream. Was it real? Did it all happen? She felt so far away. Later that day, we realized that something was different with the pond. There was no more bright oranges and whites, no more color. All the koi in the pond have vanished.

Lainey's First English Sentence

Although she has spoken in complete sentences, they were sentences like, "I love you," (or "I love you two!") or "I'm hungry." But on Thursday she said her first real sentence in English. She had made toast and left it out on a small table in the living room. This is a big mistake in my house. When she came back from where ever she was, she turned to me and showed me the empty dish. I said "Peppy." Yes, little Pepper (the Pomeranian) is a master thief and has been caught stealing things that are far to big for his little eyes. She looked at me, very surprised and said, "You saw Peppy take it?!", with a strong accent on the "saw." I almost fell off my seat. I was so excited! It was so great to hear her say something without being prompted and to actually hear her surprise in her voice! I can't wait to actually have a true conversation in English with her.

Week 5

We went to the farewell party and after her friend Irina left, she told me she was sad. Then she began to tear up, so I took her to our car and I cradled her. She told me she was sad about going back to Russia. She wouldn't go back to the party and I told her I just had to get Poppy (that's what she calls Craig now) and Jeremy and then we'll go home. She reluctantly headed up the road towards the house, but as we got close, she let go of my hand and ran towards the car. I heard her crying as she ran.

I caught Craig's attention and told him we had to leave, and I got in the car and sat next to her. She was sobbing. The kind of sob where you just don't care that you are drooling or that your nose is running. The kind of sob that ice cream cannot cure, nor a new toy. She just sobbed and sobbed, and she continued for the next 45 minutes. It tore me apart, to see and hear her, and to not be able to do anything to make her feel better. On our way home, we passed the carnival, and I asked her if she wanted to go. In between her cries, she said, "Yes." I was relieved to find that maybe this will make her forget, and maybe she could just be a kid again.

She went one of the big rides and when she came off, she starting crying. When she stopped, she went on the next ride, but then wanted to get off because she was crying too hard. We held her and comforted her, and told her that we would write her, call her, and that she would be here at Christmas time. But you could tell that she didn't quite believe us, as she is probably use to broken promises. When she calmed down again, she and Jeremy went on some orbit ride and then Mama lost it. How are we going to say good-bye? What if the adoption doesn't work out, and we never see her again? Why does Christmas have to be so far away? I realize that it is all out of my control and I have to focus on the things I can do, like the adoption paperwork, and making travel plans. I have to remember to "Let Go and Let God," and believe...

Week 4

This week was just a normal week. Finally! We just hung out, went to the lake, the pool, feed our koi, feed the birds, walked the dogs, and stayed home and did nothing. It was relaxing and enjoyable to finally just be. Laina and Jeremy played together well at times (they like to play Tom and Jerry) and sometimes Laina wanted to play by herself and would spend some time playing "pretend." It is amazing how quickly she has become part of our family and so integrated into our everyday lives. I just expect her to be there.

We went to the local carnival and when we pulled in Laina's eyes grew big and she squealed with delight. She then turned and gave me a big kiss and hug. She is tall enough (56") to go on all the crazy, big rides. We stuck with the little kid rides since Jeremy and Remy (Sandy's son) were to small. But, she soon got bored and begged to go on the bigger rides. I told her that I could not go on with her because I get sick. She said it was okay for her to go on alone. And she did, that brave soul. Before the ride started, she looked alittle scared and I wish I was able to handle those types of rides so that I could comfort her. But as soon as the ride started, so did her smile!

I received a call that her "house" director was flying into Newark and then changing planes to fly to Atlanta. It was suggested that I go and meet her to help her find her next flight, and also to make an impression. She does have a say as to whether or not we could adopt Laina. Well, I am not sure what type of impression I made, and I hope it was good, but I just couldn't tell. She spoke very little English, but seemed very nice. She spoke a lot to Laina, and I heard a lot of "Mama" and "Papa," but not sure what she was telling her! Yikes! It was stressful.

Laina needed a haircut and I thought she would enjoy going to the beauty parlor (who doesn't!). When we told her she was going to get her haircut, she exclaimed, "NO!" I was shocked. I looked up hairdresser again in my book and made sure it was the right word. Again, she said, "No!" and motioned that they were going to buzz her hair short. I explained to her that they were only going to take off a little bit, and she said she would only go if Jeremy went. So he did and she did, and Craig said that as soon as she realized that they were not going to cut off all her hair, she really got into it and relished in the attention. This does explain her reaction of one time when she had to go to the bathroom and there was a barber shop close by. When I opened the door, there were several men getting their hair buzzed. She panicked and said, "NO!" I thought it was because of all the men, but the poor thing probably thought she was going to have her hair buzzed!