Week 2

I know it's been a while since I posted. We have been going and going and going. And of course, then I got sick and lost my voice for about a week, and felt miserable. Probably from exhaustion and stress.

Laina has remained true to herself, and her personality has not changed. She is outgoing, loving, sweet and loves to be the center of attention. She likes to sing and pretend she is Hannah Montana. She is very funny and puts on quite a show! She was singing some Russian songs, but we realized (and it took us awhile), that she was singing some American songs also, although they had quite a Russian twist. She loves to sing, "I feel good." But she has made up her own words and I laugh so hard every time she sings it. She also does this thing where she stands still, but shakes her butt. Anytime I am sad, she does this now because it makes me smile.

Jeremy has had a much harder time these past two weeks, and has been acting out to demonstrate this. But, this is expected now that another child has come into our lives. He is jealous and wants extra attention so that he knows we still love him. He has been quite difficult at times and Laina shakes her head and says, "Ahh, Jeremy."

Laina and I had an emotional breakdown of sorts. I showed her the calendar and showed her what day it was, and then showed her the day she was flying back to Russia. When she understood, she hugged me and said, "No!" I turned from her and made believe I was cooking, but I began to cry. How do we say, "Goodbye?" We aren't allowed to tell them anything regarding adoption. In her mind, this is goodbye forever. For someone who has suffered so much loss, isn't this just another? It is so unnerving to not be able to explain to her what is going on. She realized I was crying and hugged me. The next day she came into the living room, sat down next to me, and said, "I fly home to Russia. You no cry. You no love me. No. I fly home to Russia." I told her that I do love her. She got angry with me and said, "No! No love me! You no love me!" Again, I said that I will always love her. She stormed out of the room, and slammed her bedroom door. I gave her a couple of minutes, went it and she covered her face with a pillow. I said to her in Russian, "Laina, I will love you forever." She began to sob, that gut wrenching, deep soulful hurting cry. I held her and let her cry for about 15 minutes and then she said, "I love you, too, Mamitchska."